When He Was Anna: A Mom’s Journey Into The Transgender World by Patti Hornstra, a Book Review

“I am transgender. I knew that I was for as long as I can remember.” – Nicole Maines

The above statement is uttered by many transgender folks. You hear it all the time, but do most people understand what this statement means? If I am honest, I do not, and I am going to claim that most CIS people don’t either. So, I decided to read When He Was Anna: A Mom’s Journey Into The Transgender World by Patti Hornstra in an attempt to wrap my mind around it.

Transphobia is alive and well these days, and it’s a big problem. People do not allow or accept what they don’t understand. Many of us dig our heels deeper instead of attempting to learn about or comprehend something that scares us. We also listen to lies and propaganda and don’t bother to search for the truth. Some of us are even okay with removing care from trans people without fully knowing anything about transgenderism. As of today, July 2025, a staggering 953 anti-trans bills have been introduced this year alone in 49 states of the U.S. Of those bills, 116 have been signed into law in 28 states. These anti-trans bills seek to block education, healthcare, legal recognition, and the right to legally exist for all trans people to one extreme or another.

If trans people exist, guess what? We must listen and educate ourselves before judging and passing laws against them.

When He Was Anna: A Mom’s Journey Into The Transgender World is an authentic and unapologetic summary of a mother’s struggle with her daughter’s transition from Anna to Tristan, and it is a deep read. It is not a complete reference guide to the transgender lifestyle and all that that entails. It is also not a reference for every question you might have on the life of trans people, trans health, or trans issues. It is a good book to read to begin to understand the issue.

Patti Hornstra talks freely about her emotions and difficulties involved in accepting her teen daughter’s transition. It is a reminder of the complexity and nuances involved with transgender issues. It shows us that even though any person should have the right to change genders, it is not always easy on family members and other loved ones. Transitioning changes the dynamics of everything. The struggle is real for everyone involved. It can be heartbreaking, confusing, and gut-wrenching. Experiencing the transition of a family member or close friend is similar to processing the death of a loved one.

After reading When He Was Anna, I consider myself a bit more informed on transgenderism, but as a CIS woman who is comfortable in a woman’s skin, I don’t believe I will ever fully understand the struggle (And that is okay; I do not need to fully get it to support trans people.). And as a mother with a daughter close to Patty Hornstra’s son’s age, I found myself fully resonating with the author’s struggle. I believe I would have the same reactions, fears, and confusion if my daughter were to transition.

I recommend Patty Hornstra’s When He Was Anna: A Mom’s Journey Into the Transgender World to anyone with a family member or friend who is transitioning. You are not alone, and this story will give you hope. It might even help you with the acceptance of your son or daughter’s transition. It can be the beginning of your search for understanding, as it was for me.

A bit about the author, Patti Hornstra:

Patti Hornstra is a writer and author, mother of four, and native of Richmond, Virginia. She graduated with degrees in Marketing and Business Administration from Virginia Commonwealth University. When He Was Anna is her first book; she is also the author of Unholy Scandal, written in 2022. Patti fills her days working as a real estate broker and her nights writing.

To learn more about Patti Hornstra or read When He Was Anna, visit authorpattihonstra.com

© Copyright Vilma Reynoso 2025