Domestic Violence Month, October

October, the month of pumpkin lattes, autumn-rich colors, and squash soups is also deemed National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. As a subject of interest and experience, I have decided to review Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

What is domestic violence and why should you care?

According to Wikipedia, “Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic context [in order to control the other], such as in marriage or cohabitation…Domestic violence can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships [and can take] a number of forms including physical, emotional, verbal, economic, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse that results in disfigurement or death. Globally, a wife or female partner is more commonly the victim of domestic violence, though the victim can also be the male partner, or both partners may engage in abusive or violent behavior, or the victim may act in self-defense or retaliation. Domestic violence often occurs because the perpetrator believes that abuse is justified and acceptable.”

A growing epidemic, domestic violence affects individuals in every community worldwide regardless of age, economic status, education level, race, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, or gender. It has been passed on from generation to generation, and if not eradicated, it will continue to destroy equality, freedom, and peace, all of which, as inhabitants of this planet, we all seek and deserve.

As an informative and compelling read, Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Bancroft explains why men specifically choose to control and abuse women.

He begins by thoroughly explaining the abusive mindset, followed by the behavior of abusive men in relationships and in the world, and concludes with how we can attain a violence-free world.

His book covers early warning signs of abusive relationships, ten abusive personality types, the role of drugs and alcohol in the abusive relationship, what you can actually fix and what you cannot, and how to escape from such relationships.  If you are a woman who believes you are being abused, or you have experienced violence in a past relationship, this book will teach you the truth about why abuse occurs and what you can do to protect yourself.

I recommend this reading to women who think they are being abused, have been abused, want to learn about abuse and what it is, or need to leave an abusive relationship. It helped me make sense of my prior abusive relationship.

A bit about the author, Lundy Brancroft:

Lundy Bancroft has spent over twenty-five years specializing in domestic violence and working with abusive men.

He is also the former co-director of Emerge, the nation’s first program for men who abuse women, and he teaches state and judicial agencies how to best help and handle abusive men.

In addition to Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Mr. Bancroft has written other books including When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay or Should I Go?

To learn more about Lundy Bancroft or to purchase a copy of Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, visit

To learn more about Domestic Violence, please read National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s Fact Sheets.

To learn more about abusive relationships, or if you are in an abusive situation and are in need of help, please reach out to a trained counselor 24/7 at The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Posted by:Vilma Reynoso

Vilma Reynoso, aka Vilms, is a writer, gardening aficionado, and whole-food enthusiast who writes about the human experience, human rights, self-growth, and various subjects. Her passion is to inspire others to live their best lives for a kinder, more compassionate world. To learn more about Vilma, visit her website,

2 replies on “Book Review: Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Controlling Men

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